Being a single Mormon Mom is not easy. But then it’s not easy being a single Mormon Dad. Let’s face it; it is hard to be a single parent no matter the gender and no matter the religion. Being a single parent because of divorce or death was never something any of us planned for on the day of our weddings.
Until you are a single parent or until you have walked 100 miles in those shoes you can’t imagine how difficult and hard it is. Its lonely, its scary, its depressing and it can really jade you about life in general. It can even get you to the point where you question if God is even out there.
The shock of being left single regardless of the reason is difficult enough without children being a part of that marriage, however with children you worry and fret twice as much first for them and then for you. You want your life to be somewhat the same but you quickly learn that it’s just not possible.
First there is less money to go around. Second there is one less set of hands to pitch in one less person to share the responsibility of raising the kids together. There seems to be less of everything including less love. The reasons for finding oneself a single parent are many. In a profound way it doesn’t matter why you found yourself a single parent, what does matter is how you are going to make what seems impossible to work, work for you.
So much of life is about how you see things, what you make your reality. If you are a single parent you get to decided if you are the victim and play the victim card or if you are just going to get on with being a single parent.
Becoming single and without children you would get to focus 100% on you. As a single parent your focus must first be on the children and then on you. As a single parent if you want to have your life back you need to be organized. Everything will come at you twice as fast and you will have to get it done twice as fast. At least that is what it feels like. In reality life is coming at you at the same speed as it did when you were married, but without the extra set of hands it feels like you life is in over drive. What is true is you do have to get things done a lot faster than you once did!
If you are trying to lead a Christ centered life then you must figure how to make the money stretch, make sure kids are doing well in school, make sure they are going to church and make sure that your kids have the right friends. The truth is if you had a church calling you might have to ask to be released from it. It’s ok to share with your Bishop that you are overwhelmed and that you need to focus on how to get use to a new way of life. He will understand and he will support you as you fully inform him of how your new life is impacting you.
For kids having a single parent is hard on them. In most cases they just want their old life back. They want to feel safe and protected and typically they feel that safeness most when Mom and Dad and home are in place. The lost of a marriage will take you sometime to heal from. Whatever length of time it takes you typically it will take your kids three times longer to heal from it.
If your marriage ended in divorce you must be careful how you talk about your former spouse. If you share custody of the children then do so honorable. If you are the cause of the divorce seek forgiveness from your spouse, if you weren’t the cause then seek to forgive quickly.
Don’t get into the worry mode about what will everyone think of me being a single Mom? Your fears of what they might be thinking are far worse than what they are really thinking. Don’t waste your time being bitter, nothing was every really solved in life as a result of being bitter. Instead of being bitter just be better for it all.
Divorce can result in one losing their testimony. You may feel that being a Mormon requires you to be perfect or to be seen in a perfect light. The truth is you are not perfect, other Mormons aren’t perfect. Mormons are everyday people with everyday lives that do everyday things like everyone else. Find strength from your membership in the Church and find strength in your testimony of the living God.
I wish I could give you ten rules to making it as a Single Mormon Mom. But the truth is every situation is different and every situation requires different rules. In truth you are not alone because the Lord is always at your side, if you chose to see him at your side.
When the people of Alma were in bondage to the Lamanites, the Lord’s response was:
“I will … ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions.
“… And they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord” (Mosiah 24:14–15).
God did not remove the burdens but strengthened the people of Alma so that they could bear their afflictions with patience and grace. That grace may mean simply accepting the past for what it was and living in the present.
I believe that all single parents have experienced the long, dark night of the soul, feeling forsaken of the Spirit. Yet I am certain that none of us are really ever alone. Although we may not be aware of it, God is supporting us. Like Israel of old, we have God’s promise that His kindness will not depart from us. No matter how dark it gets or how many other things pull at us, if we raise our children righteously, we will have succeeded. Some other dreams may go unachieved, other desires unfulfilled, and other goals unreached. Yet as with all sacrifices to the Lord, we will find that what we have gained is of immeasurably more worth than what we have given.